Saturday, December 1, 2012

Find your own zen, baby

There are rare days when I cut myself some slack and do absolutely nothing.


Because I'm doing stuff all the time.  I'm always mom, or Heather, or Mrs. Fleming, or Ma'am, or can you help me find Elevator A because I'm wearing a badge that labels me as an employee of the U of I Hospital and I should at least know where elevator A is, right?

So, there's that you see.

And there's a mind full of things that I have going on every day.


1.  What should I wear?
2.  God, grab some yogurt and gummies for lunch from the fridge.
3.  Do the kids have clean underwear?
4.  Where the hell is Jude's left shoe?
5.  Did I get that submitted on time for this payment to go through at work for this or that project for Dr. So and So?
6.  Shit.  The kids need lunch money.  Double shit.  I forgot again.
7.  Cute shoes.  Although they don't really go with that....Who the hell am I fooling?  I'm 39 and definitely not Tim Gunn.  But, still, I like those shoes.
8.  This is my jam.
9.  This song blows.
10.  Coffee is always a good idea.
11.  So is Paris I've heard.
12.  Drinking more water = better skin, right?  When does this friggin rule kick in?  Adult acne is so not on.
13.  Do I have enough time to knit this, this and this before the hols without driving myself bugnuts?
14.  Was that a deer or a massive mailbox?
15.  Awwww, cute holiday decorations.
16.  Dude.  You're going bald.  Accept it.

Okay, these are things that go through my mind all before noon.

So, as you can see for yourself, my mind is a terribly busy place at any one given time during the day.  This, in a word, can be exhausting.

Today, I declared it a snow day (sans snow here in Iowa but I'm sure it's snowing somewhere, right?).  I've done nothing but drink coffee, listen to music, watch youtube vids, read, attempt to nap, snuggle with my girls for a wee bit, played Bubble Blitz on Facebook, and even a round or two of Song Pop.  And Gossiped on Twitter.  Stalking folks on Twitter is one of my fave pastimes.  Not a word of a lie.  I'm nosey by nature.  

I used to feel guilty for days like this but today I'm embracing it.  Why?  Because I need it.  And that's okay.  I'm not meant to be the queen mum of Pinterest.  I'm accepting that slowly too.  I will never be one of those gals with a perfect house.  I'd love to have it.  I'd love to think that my home could look like that but I just don't have the energy and I'm worn out before I even try.

But what I do have is a home.  I have a place to lie down and snuggle with girls.  Where we can laugh over silly dance videos.  Or I can prop my head under my pillow, wadding it up, so I can talk to The Boy before he heads off to work.  I have a dog warming my feet.  I have a guy who leans around our bedroom door to tell me the worst jokes in the world and I pretend to frown but laugh as he walks away.  I get a text message from the girl who cuts my hair and is my middle's fave person in the world and who let me play Mom for the first time ever.

And there are no marble hallways or stained glass sunbursts here in my home but there are plenty of blessings.

And tonight when I lay my head down on that pillow, I'm going to count those instead of sheep.  

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